Your feathers will be a flying as you roll around the floor Quacking-Up to these Duck Jokes
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A man and a duck are walking down the street together. Suddenly the man notices a low flying airplane coming right for them. So the man yells: “DUCK!!!!” and the duck yells back at the man with an angry face: “MAN!!!!”
"Doctor, doctor, my wife thinks she's a duck."
"You better bring her in to see me straight away."
"I can't do that - she's already flown south for the winter."
Q: What time does a duck wake up at?
A: At the quack of dawn!!
Q: What do ducks get after they eat?
A: A bill!
Q: Who stole the soap?
A: The robber ducky
Q: What do you call a duck with fangs?
A: Count Duckula
Q: Where did the duck go when he was sick?
A: To the Ducktor
Q: What did the detective duck say to his partner?
A: I hope we Quack this case.
Q: Why don’t ducks fly upside down?
A: Because they don’t want to QUACK up.
Q: Why did the duck go to the supermarket?
A: To get some Quackers.
Q: What do you call a box of ducks?
A: A box of Quackers.
Q: Why did the duck tell you a joke?
A: Because he wanted to QUACK you up!
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: Because he was jealous of the chicken.
Q: Why does a duck say quack?
A: Because it can’t say moo.
Q: Where did the duck lose his feathers?
A: Down town.
Q: What does a duck do first when making an omelette?
A: He quacks some eggs.
Q: What do you get when you cross a duck with a firework?
A: A firequacker.
Q: What’s another name for a clever duck?
A: A wise quacker.
Q: What’s a Duckworth?
A: I don’t know, what does a Henweigh?
Q: How do you get down off a horse?
A: You don’t, you get down off a duck.
Q: Why do ducks watch the weather?
A: For the feather forecast.
Q: What says “Quick, Quick”?
A: A duck with the hiccups.
A Duck Walks into...
A duck walks into a pharmacy, and asks for Chapstick. The cashier says, “Cash or check?” and the duck says, “Just put it on my bill.”
A duck goes into a bar and says, 'I would like a drink. I am old enough.'
The bartender replies, 'You need to be able to prove who you are.'
The duck pulls out a mirror. He looks in it, nods his head, and says, 'Yep, that's me.'
A duck walks into a bar. He looks like the happiest duck in the world. The bartender asks, "Why are you so happy today?"
The duck replies, "I've been playing in puddles all day." The duck proceeds to order a beer and enjoy it at the bar.
A little while later another duck walks in the bar. He looks like the second happiest duck in the world. The bartender asks, "Why are you so happy today?"
The duck gives the bartender the same answer, "I've been playing in puddles all day." This duck also orders a beer and enjoys it at the bar.
A third duck enters the bar, the total opposite of the first two ducks. He looks like the saddest duck in the world. The bartender asks the duck, "What's wrong with you?"
The duck replies, "My name is Puddles and I've had a terrible day."
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Has my brother been in here?”
The bartender responds, “What does he look like?”
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